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about
Teaching kids to respect their own bodies as well as others' needs to start at a young age. Parents may not feel like experts, but they can certainly help their children know what figuring out consent is like in the real world.
Talk: Tell your child that it is 'their body, their choice' and they can choose to say no to being touched, hugged, kissed, tickled etc. Except in cases where it is an adults job to keep them safe (grabbing an arm to stop a young child from running into the street for example), nobody should be touching anyone in a way that is not wanted.
Model: Teach by doing. Let your child hear and see that you do what you say. If your partner has had a rough day, ask if they need a hug. If they say no, respect that and let your child hear you say "I know you don't want a hug right now, if you change your mind, let me know".
Play: Play physical games with your child. Play tag, wrestle, tickle, chase. When they say 'no' or 'stop' - even if you feel they're joking - stop right away, and tell them why. Say "You asked me to stop and I will. It is your body. If you want to play more, you tell me when you are ready"
Teach: Let your children learn through experience. If they are upset and lash out at you, be ready to talk to them about that. Once they are ready to listen, say "You had big feelings. You were angry/upset/frustrated and you hit me. It is ok to feel those things. You cannot touch my body in a way that hurts me. Next time do not try to hurt me when you are feeling this way."
Answer: Answer questions. If you child asks why you stopped a game, why you didn't hug a friend/partner, why you didn't want to give a piggy-back, be honest. Make sure your child understands that 'no' means no, but it does not mean lack of love or affection. They - and you - can show positive feelings in so many other ways.
Bottom line, a child should know that they have power over what happens to their bodies. By playing with you, talking with you and watching you, show them how to interact with others while ensuring that everyone feels comfortable and safe.
lyrics
Can I give you a hug to show you my love?
Can I give you a kiss because you've been missed?
Can I please hold your hand because I think you're grand?
You can tell me when to let go, or you can just tell me
'no'.
Sometimes you like to cuddle, read a book upon my lap -
Or maybe even snuggle with your brother when you nap.
You like a game of tickles - run away until you're caught.
I love to hear you giggle, but when you say the word I
STOP.
Can I give you a hug to show you my love?
Can I give you a kiss because you've been missed?
Can I please hold your hand because I think you're grand?
You can tell me when to let go, or you can just tell me 'no'.
When it's time to say goodbye your nanny sure would love a hug,
But you can look her in the eye and just tell her that you love
Her - your aunts and uncles, too, using words is always fine.
A hug or kiss is up to you, or maybe just a crisp high five.
Can I give you a hug to show you my love?
Can I give you a kiss because you've been missed?
Can I please hold your hand because I think you're grand?
You can tell me when to let go, or you can just tell me 'no'.
And one day when you're grown
And spending time out with your friends,
Making choices on your own,
No longer just playing pretend,
Someone will make you start
To smile in a special way,
And when you feel it in your heart
I know you'll look at them and
say...
Can I give you a hug to show you my love?
Can I give you a kiss because you've been missed?
Can I please hold your hand because I think you're grand?
You can tell me when to let go, or you can say 'no'.
Can I give you a hug to show you my love?
Can I give you a kiss because you've been missed?
Can I please hold your hand because I think you're grand?
You can say that you don't want to, because you know that
I love you.
credits
released April 16, 2021
Lyrics and music: John King
Main vocals: John King
Backing Vocals: Shanti Gonzales
Guitar, ukulele, percussion: John King
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